To be Alone

Slowly, my eyelids were drooping, my brain was no longer active. I was starting to fall asleep, and I thought he might be too. And then... I was out.

In the morning, I awoke half on my side and half on Jeremy. I sat up, and wiped at my mouth. I stared at sleeping Jeremy, and for one moment, I felt warmth in my heart, and then I pushed him away. "What are you doing!" I yelled at him, and stood up. "I thought I told you, you couldn't be all over me! This is weird, we just met and, I don't know my feelings, and I don't know how to feel and ugh!" I snarled, and walked in a circle. I looked back down at his confused face, and covered my face.

"Well you tell me, Jeremy. It makes me wonder when I wake up half sprawled out on a guy I just met..." I said, staring icily at him on the ground. I'd made it clear, hadn't I? I didn't want any male interaction. And sure enough, I hadn't been a part in this 'togetherness'. Right? I hadn't lead him on, and I hadn't done anything. "I told you that you weren't allowed to be allover me." I glared. My head was pounding, I just wanted to go home. I'd had enough. "Come on, get up. We're going back to camp." I crossed my arms, only to realize that I was still wearing his sweater. Other than the fact that it would be embarrassing, I wanted to face palm myself so badly. The bright sun shined through the trees, and deep down, I had to face the facts. Had I wanted to be with Jeremy last night? Had I been the one to fall asleep on him? Surely not. Surely I wasn't the one who started this whole thing. I wouldn't let myself get me down.

"Sick of me yelling!?" I screamed, offended. "I'm sick of your face! AND your voice!" I snapped. My face was close to his, I could feel his angry breath. "I know where camp is! You're going the wrong way, I'm telling you!" I pushed him in the opposite direction, or at least tried. "See? Wrong way! But no, of course not, you won't follow me, cause you're an a*shole!" My brown curls were falling out of my pony, and my clothes were dirty, including his sweater. I stared him down, again, my jaw set. I was furious.

His face was beet-red, and his temperament was now scaring me. I bit my lip, and stood down in stature. I no longer stood upright to argue with him. My eyes stung with tears, welling up quickly. "Fine, you know what, take your own way. And since you want to be suck an effing jerk about everything, take your dignity and your sweater with it." I yanked the sweater off of me, and threw it on the ground, stomping on it. I now couldn't hide my tears, and I stared at him, hoping he'd know. "Don't come after me this time, clearly you're sick of me as much as I'm sick of you. And if you make me angry one more time, I might have to punch you." I threatened, and ran the opposite way. I'd find my way back to camp, or maybe even a spot of my own where I'd starve and die. At this point, I didn't care. I didn't care about anything. But once I started running, I didn't know where to go. I just stopped, and sighed, letting the tears run down my soft, red stained cheeks. I was tired, hungry, and alone. I didn't know what to do. I'd lost my source of intelligence, right here, right now. I was the one who lost my dignity.

I looked up at the bright sky, sun shining down on my face, taunting me, telling me what I did wrong. I shouldn't have freaked out, but then again, neither should he. I kept crying, it was like my eyes couldn't stop watering, time after time. I just stood there, considering the things I already knew, and sighed. Why was life giving me such a hard time? Getting lost, ditched, angered, and saddened all in the past couple of days? Why couldn't my mother just extend her arms and squeeze me in her tight, warm hugs? I sat down, and crossed my legs, wiping my eyes and cheeks. I rubbed the wetness off on my jeans, and felt myself getting angry for crying. I looked weak, stupid, silly, whatever you wanted to call it.

I heard footsteps coming up behind me, and I knew it could only be one person. And my theory was correct. I felt him hunch down beside me, and felt his hand on my back. "Don't cry okay.. I'm sorry, I was a total jerk back there.. but just. Please don't cry." I turned and stared at him, and pushed him away, using both of my arms. "No don't touch me!" I said firmly. "You caused this. I told you not to come, just leave. You've already done enough. Go find camp, or better yet, find your way home." I hissed, but I knew I didn't mean it. I was mentally and physically breaking down right before him. But I couldn't, wouldn't show weakness. My stomach growled hungrily, and I shook even in the sunlight's glow. My crossed my arms over my stomach, and scooted away from him, re-crossing my legs as well.